i've become what i can't be....

So my last entry really made my feelings clear but unfourtunately I think the boy who it was about has super powers. I swear that he has a signal, not unlike the bat signal, that informs him of when my life is going great and I'm over him. That is his cue to make my life more complicated. I really dont' know what to do at this point. The attention that I got, i'm not going to lie, I wanted. But in the end I dont' feel the same as I did. I now am at this point......

New Letter to a (not so) asshole:

No I am not completely over you as previously stated. If you wanted to be my boyfriend right now I would agree in a heartbeat, but if you dont want that then that's fine. I don't have that love struck feeling about you at this point. Whatever, do what you want but just remember that at this point, what has happened between us has quite possibly cost you the friendship and trust of one of your housmates and since you've already ruined that then I think you should commit to it fully....but hey mister...that's just me......

love,

teresa

Real playas dont' catch feelings....ever

Letter to an Asshole

   I don't really think you do this because you're a bad person. In fact, I think you are the exact opposite. You always tell me that I'm a "good girl" and you know what? I think you're a "good guy", you are just very confused. You can't let your true feelings show through and then just as quickly cut them off and keep them inside. You are going to kill yourself sitting back and watching things happen. I liked you....a lot. You were the only guy who I really and honestly fell for. Even though my friends would say: "why him?" I simply could not explain. It was something in the way you talked to me and kissed me that night (and morning) that made me think that it could possibly turn into something real. And please stop using the exuse "we were wasted" On me and on girls in your future. You were just as affectionate the next morning, so man up to your feelings. It doesn't make you weak or any less of a man. So I'll let you keep doing this to yourself. Go ahead and ignore me. Go ahead and keep staring at me and watching me from across rooms. Don't think I don't notice because, I do. Because secretly I want nothing more than to be noticed by you. But while you're noticing me, you will have to watch me with other guys. Possibly your close friends. But just remember as you watch me flirt and they wrap their arms around me, that you let me go. YOU are the one who didn't want me. So goodbye. I'm done thinking about your eyes and your smile and the way I felt sleeping in your arms. I'm done and I'm moving on. I won't be that pathetic girl stuck in something that never was real. You broke my heart and I've finally picked up the pieces and found someone willing to put them back together.

love,

    Teresa

count the headlights on the highway

    A new year usually signifies a fresh start. A chance to possibly undo all that was done wrong in the past year. In my case I feel like this new year will be the new start of more trouble for me to get into. I feel like I always screw things up. I mean everything. My new years resolutions are hopefully going to make me a better and happier person. First of all, when it comes to men I am just going to let them come to me....no more chasing, I'm done with that. Chasing boys only made me sad in 2007. The last few months of the year I had spent in love with a guy who only seemed to love me back under the influence but sober he kept his distance while still watching my every move. It killed me but as Kanye likes to say, it made me stronger. If he really did like me, well, his loss. I can't see anything working out and maybe I was just too hopefull and naiive to begin with. I was but I'm not anymore. I've lived a little more and have become a little wiser over just the past 5 months.

 My next resolution is to stop judging people before I even know them. I have spent too much time making my own false judgements about people just off of what other people have told me. I have met a couple of people this year who I was completely wrong about at the beginning. They turned out (so far ) great! I can only imagine what I would have missed out on had I stuck with what I had been spoon fed.

I'm happy. I am truly, honest to God, happy =)

kisses

who are you and where are you going?

wow. somehow I always end up in the oddest situations....I often find that my life plays out like a movie, at times a very odd movie but mostly funny, the kind of funny movie where the audience feels like they shouldn't laugh but do anyways because...well...it was funny...ish

This whole thing is obscene and I shouldn't play into it,but I do. For some reason i can't stay away from a situation if it promises me a little bit of danger. And if the consequences of getting caught are monumental, then I like it even more. I'm sick, sometimes I really believe that haha, oh well, the point is....well honestly, there really is no point. I can't defend myself here.

it's too late to apologize